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Guacamole's Revenge July 11th of the third year

My legs of made of guacamole and my ligaments of string cheese. For the last month, these have been my major food groups. Well, the avocados have finally come home to roost and let me tell you, it's no welcome back parade.

It's been a rough start. The wind has been blowing against me non-stop, I packed way too much shit and the folks at Adventure Cycling seem to get their jollies by unnecessarily running everyone up and down the steepest hills possible. Nothing is more demoralizing than finishing a massive climb and immediately spending all your new elevation on a pointless downhill. Up, up, up... up the hill you go again. And so I go, up, up and away. Climb until the arms glisten with sweat, the knees are ready to buckle and the heart's about to beat out of your chest. It's only been four days and twice I've fallen asleep face down in my own hands.

Ah yes, it's all coming back to me now. This shit is glorious, but man is it grueling, too. I'm reliving all those early tour moments where 'normal' slowly melts away and is replaced by the formerly ridiculous. The funny tan lines, the regular exhaustion, long treks into the woods to find sleep and a complete disregard for cleanliness. I'm already turning brown thanks to too much sun and dirt. The sunblock I've applied does wonders for picking up earth and pasting it to my skin, and the bug spray I coat on top just seals the deal. And somehow my shins are already scrapped to hell from lunging into the forest directly through thorns. The lines of ripped skin that result serve as little canals tunneling through layers of filth. Oh to be dirty...

Already I have ditched a load of supplies at the local post office. I probably unloaded a good 20lb worth of bullshit ranging from a wristband for my watch to a 608-page book about the Federal Reserve. Who would have thought that I'd be too tired to re-read such a lengthy and exciting subject after biking 70 miles? So they're printing new dollar bills left and right and indirectly stealing your personal wealth, who cares, I'm hungry -- where's the nearest KFC? Nevermind what my retirement account used to be worth, I want crispy chicken, damnit!

Oh... I should go. I'm tired and have a bunch of chores to complete before night falls. I have to arrive in Minneapolis by August 31st, so time is always of the essence. Here, have some photographs.

Cheers,

Chuck












Comments to date: 1

Danielle:

July 24th, 2008 @ 10:46am

This is great! Are you already on the road to Minneapolis? We'll keep you in mind as we're all complaining of our cramped quaters on our 18-hour drive. We're bringing 8 people in an SUV that seats 8 & pulling our camper, too. I know we're going to feel like we're on top of each other, but when they start whining, I'll remind them that we could have started months ago on bicycles like you!


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